2004-09-18

Cheney Returns To Camp Crystal Lake

CRYSTAL LAKE, NJ—Reports of a shadowy figure in the woods and heavy breathing heard in the night, coupled with a recent series of grisly murders, have generated rumors that U.S. Vice-President Dick Cheney has returned to terrorize the counselors at Camp Crystal Lake, sources reported Friday.

"I knew it'd been too quiet around here," camp caretaker Ephram Magritte, 67, said between sips from his flask. "Things were just starting to get back to normal. Then that carload of kids had to go have a drinking party at the lake last Friday. When two of them went missing, people started up again, saying Cheney was back. We don't need that kind of talk. Stirs up trouble. Scares off customers."

While this particular juxtaposition of Vice President Cheney and Jason Voorhees doesn’t seem directly or experimentally related to linguistics per se, it does seem to perhaps speak to the possibility of pragmatic implication from within the framework of horror pastiche or jeu d’esprit. As we read the town’s peoples’ accounts of the Cheney lore of Camp Crystal Lake and surrounding area (NJ is pretty close to home, too!) we imagine Jason Voorhees, and we can predict presumptively that when caretaker Ephram Magritte is mentioned in express relation to his cane and Cheney in general that it will be with his cane in particular that Magritte will meet his end. It is as if Cheney is placed within a Camp Crystal Lake template or frame, allowing full predictive power the reader. This type of burlesque pasquinade I normally refer to as pastiche pharassis.

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